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This is a monthly column where you women can ask your questions and have a researched answer from a Male Perspective on any topic you want.

After all’..It´s all about perspective. So write in and learn what men REALLY think, as opposed to just what they say, and add that extra breath of perspective to your relationships and social or even work life.

Dr. Dan, a friend told me that this column would be starting and suggested I write in. I have been feeling so run down and lonely this Holiday Season, and I don´t know why. Im attractive, and only in my early twenties, and I have been keeping my figure thru Christmas, going to all the right parties to meet people, and making sure I look my best. I even used a picture from the new Cosmo when I went for my winter makeover. None of it seems to do any good, I don´t know what else to try. Im tired of being lonely and having to work so hard to fit in and have the right image when I still end up alone. What should I do? Alicia, address withheld

First, you need to relax. Most men are not looking for a fake look. Natural is truly where its at these days. This means that a wash and go style is actually much more appealing to us day to day than an obviously just styled look. A Casual, and natural way about a woman also demonstrates more confidence and poise simply in it´s úcoolness.î This doesn´t mean not to dress up and look your best for those special occasions, just that it should be kept aside for those times.

So don´t worry so much about where you go, and how you look, and what you are looking for and you may just find that the relationship you seek may be in front of you, but the fa¹ade you are putting up is also putting up a úsocial wall.î You have often heard people say I´m sure, úJust be Yourself.î There is a reason it is said, and that is simply, it´s good advice.

If you have spent too long trying to adapt to what you thought you should be/had to be, and don´t really even know who YOU are anymore, just relax, get in touch with your inner child, and it will all come back to you. You will find that once you relax and just live life on your terms, truly being who YOU are instead of trying to meet an unreal image, that your social life and your general happiness is bound to improve, and your social calendar will be as full as you could want it.
Dr Dan

Dear Dr. Dan,
My Boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. The other day, he told me that he found one of my friends attractive and said that he would like to try to add some úspiceî to our sex life by having us inviting her to participate in our sex play. I´ve never done anything with anyone around, let alone touched another woman, and the idea of Tony with anyone else has always been a sore point, sure to make me angry. Thinking about it since he brought it up has excited me a bit, but I´m worried that perhaps it is just his way to have an affair, or maybe he actually wants to be with her, or that he may want to leave me for her afterwards. What do you think? Is it safe for our relationship? Is it morally ok? I just don´t know what to say to him. He wants an answer, and I know my friend well enough to know that she´s enough of a party girl to say úyesî to almost anything. What should I do?
Kira, New Orleans

Some of the most important things to look at as far as bringing extra playmates into the picture goes is: Am I doing this for fun or is there more to it than that? How secure am I/we about the Love we feel for each other? How secure are we in our relationship?

As long as you both know and understand that its about fun and keep it that way without adding emotional baggage it will be a great chance to take your mutual friendship to an even more exciting level

Make sure that certain guidelines boundaries are put up to establish a comfort zone and try taking it from there.
Dr Dan.

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